How To Have A Blended Orgasm — The Most Elusive (And Incredible) Orgasm Possible

Without feeling pressured to achieve.
Blended: it's not just the title of a subpar family feature starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore as they try to capture their earlier movie magic and fail miserably anymore!
Nowadays, you're more likely to hear this word applied to specific types of raw juices and, far more importantly, to orgasms!
Yes, blended orgasms are here, and they have women everywhere feeling more determined than ever to up their orgasm game...
I don't know about you, but that last sentence definitely made me imagine a stern-faced line of women frantically masturbating while trying not to appear obvious as they furtively glance around to see how it's going for the competition.

But that could just be me. In fact, it almost certainly is.
Anywho, as the name might suggest, blended orgasms are any you have when brought about by simultaneously stimulating two or more different erogenous zones.
So say you're a woman who prefers to masturbate using a rabbit-style vibrator. You're probably already having blended orgasms on the regular without even realizing it.
For those not in the know, rabbit sex toys have critical features — a dildo-shaped base for vaginal stimulation and a set of "bunny ears" for clitoral stimulation. So the whole point of this classic sex toy's existence is based on the theory that twice the intensity of stimulation to twice as many erogenous zones will make for a better female orgasm, AKA, a blended one.
Of course, your body includes additional areas that can be stimulated in order to bring you to orgasm as well. It ain't all just a vulva-adjacent party, ladies, even if 70 percent of women report their orgasms arrive mainly due to clitoral stimulation.

Women also have been blessed with a G-Spot, an A-spot, and nipples.
Blended orgasms incorporate multiple erogenous zones and, according to their fans, last longer and feel much more intense than do orgasms arising from stimulation of one solitary location.
And now that you know what these little gifts from heaven are and how to experience one for yourself, I just need to say... ENOUGH ALREADY.
As a woman, I already feel plenty of pressure when it comes to my orgasms.
If I can only orgasm when my clitoris is stimulated and I constantly receive the message that I'm missing out on "better" orgasms, so I should pursue G-spot orgasms or A-spot orgasms or nipples orgasms or blended orgasms, what's next? X-spot orgasms? Where does it stop and how far into my own womb must I reach in order to land upon the magical no man's land that is orgasm nirvana?

I understand that women, as a gender, are still playing catch-up when it comes to embracing our sexuality, our bodies, and everything wonderful they are capable of, including having amazing orgasms, but sometimes the pressure of it all just feels way too intense (pun not intended).
Why do my orgasms as they manifest now need improving?
If however my partner and I make them happen brings me joy and satisfaction, why can't that be enough?To be honest, sometimes when I read about new or rare ways for women to experience sexual pleasure
, I find myself thinking it's some kind of secret attempt to keep us from ever being truly at peace with our bodies. While I don't doubt that having a blended orgasm is a ridiculously hot experience, the plain and simple fact is that your particular orgasms, in whatever form they take, are good enough.
You don't NEED to squirt or orgasm multiple times in a row for an hour at a time or figure out how to have orgasms from nipple play.
Find what works best for YOU and run with it.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

8 Best Sex Positions That Make Women Orgasm Consistently

He shouldn't be the only one getting off.
There's nothing worse than being in a relationship with a great guy where only one of you enjoys having sex. Nine times out of ten, your man will orgasm before you do, leaving you bored and unsatisfied.
That's why I want to give you my eight best sex positions to make a woman orgasm. Are you ready?
1. Cowgirl

This is probably the easiest and simplest sex position to reach orgasm with your man. To perform Cowgirl, he needs to lie down on his back. You then straddle him on your knees while facing him. When you are in this position, you have a lot of control, which means that you can lean forward
, backward, or side-to-side to change his angle of entry.
You can also change the depth at which he's penetrating you by pushing yourself up with your legs or lowering yourself down onto him. You'll find that Cowgirl is one of the best sex positions for clitoral orgasms — vaginal ones are a little trickier.

2. The AnvilIf you like being dominated by your man during sex
, this position is for you. To perform the Anvil, lie down on your back. Next, raise your legs in the air and use your arms to pull them back towards yourself. Your man will be on his knees and will lean right over you. You can then rest your ankles on his shoulders so that he is pushing them back on top of you. In this sex position, he will be able to penetrate you deeper than you could have imagined.

3. High Impact
This is a variation of the sex position that I just covered above. To try it, your man will still be lying down on his back, but instead of straddling him on your knees, you are going to be squatting down onto him and using your hands to steady yourself. You will be holding yourself just above him; you won't be sitting down on him.
To change angles, you can lean forward and put your hands on his stomach to balance yourself or you can lean backward to put your hands behind you. You will be pretty much holding yourself in this position while your man begins rapidly thrusting in and out of you with short strokes. If you lean backward while in this position, your man will be hitting your G-spot.

4. G-Spot Sniper
The name might be a bit of a giveaway! To perform this position, you need to lie on your back while your man is on his knees. He then grabs your hips and lifts them upwards off the bed. Your feet should now be pointing towards the ceiling and your legs should straight. Your man then enters you.
He just needs to thrust so that the head of his penis is hitting the top wall of your vagina where your G-spot is. To accomplish this properly, he needs to make sure that his thrusts are shallow, not deep. 

5. The Lotus
This position, while incredibly intimate, also makes it easy for you to orgasm. To perform it, your man must first sit down in a yoga pose with legs crossed. You sit down on his lap facing him, wrapping your legs and arms around him. You can then slowly grind up and down on him, stimulating your clitoris.
To be perfectly honest, the Lotus is one of the more difficult sex positions to make a woman orgasm, but the deep, bonding intimacy you experience can make it worth it.

6. Spooning
Spooning is a great sex position for close, sensual sex with your man. To spoon, you both need to lie on your sides facing in the same direction with him behind you. He then just needs to slowly thrust in and out with a consistent rhythm. While doing this, he can reach around and start gently rubbing and massaging your clitoris with his fingers, bringing you to orgasm.

7. The CAT
The coital alignment technique is very similar to regular missionary sex, but with a few variations. He needs to remain quite deep inside you while you push your pubic bone against him. Then instead of thrusting so much, he needs to grind on you, giving you a lot of stimulation to your clitoris.
This makes the coital alignment technique one of the best sex positions for having a clitoral orgasm. It's also really easy to transition to this position from missionary.

8. The Jockey
Photos: weheartit
This one is easy for a woman: just lie back, relax and enjoy it. To perform the jockey sex position, you need to lie on your stomach with your rear end raised. Your man then straddles you on his knees and enters you. In this sex position, your man can penetrate you with a lot of force. This is great for those who climax from really passionate or even rough sex.If you enjoyed learning these eight different sex positions, but want to learn how to talk dirty to your man, then you may be interested in checking out this detailed presentation here. Or if you want a detailed instructional video on how to give your man super-pleasurable oral sex, then you might be interested in this tutorial video.

How To Make Love And Have Rough Sex At The Same Time

MEN: Consider this a detailed instruction manual.
Did you know that most women are just not satisfied with the "type" of sex they’re having?
Most men are into making love OR having rough sex and they never give their woman the other type. Despite what we’ve been told by the media and society, the truth is that women want BOTH!
Look, rough sex isn’t about being a mean, selfish jerk that only uses her body for his pleasure… it’s about making her feel so sexy and desired that you’re barely able to control yourself and your arousal.
And making love isn’t about some mystical, airy fairy woo woo… it’s about making her feel special, connected, cared for and loved.
And the fact is… Your woman wants BOTH!
I could share stories, research and statistics about why this is true but the only way to truly know something with certainty is to experience it for yourself. You need to SEE just how wild your woman will get when you start giving her the type of sex she’s been secretly (or not so secretly) craving and missing.

Now if you’ve been making slow, romantic love with a woman for the last 20 years, don’t break out the whips and chains just yet. That shit won’t fly.
Instead, use this "arousal confusion" sequence to give her what she deeply craves!
Have you heard of "muscle confusion"? It’s the idea that muscle growth eventually plateaus if you stick to the same exercises over and over. In order to keep your muscles growing, you need to give them something new. You need to confuse them.
The same thing is true for your sex life.
If you’re always having the same type of sex with your woman, she will get bored and she will feel like something is missing. You’ll reach a sexual plateau and her libido will starve for something new.
The arousal confusion sequence you’re about to learn is going to give her both types of sex that she’s always craved (but probably never received from the same man).
Don’t be surprised if she tells you it was the best sex she ever had. Here’s how to do it:

STEP 1: Start with passionate kissing.
Your woman loves feeling like she has the power to turn you on and get you hard. So stop kissing her like a grandpa and start kissing her like she turns you on
.
Slide a hand up her back all the way up to the top of her neck. Run your fingers through her hair (where it’s closest to the skin) and grab a hand full. Gently pull her head back to expose more of her neck and start kissing it.
She’s going to LOVE feeling that she turns you on and that animal passion you bring to it will start getting her very excited… but you’re about to flip the script on her and CONFUSE her arousal by giving her what she’s least expecting.

Step 2: Switch to love-making mode.
Let go of her hair and SLOW DOWN. Pull away from her body for a second. Gently graze the sides of her face with your hands while you look her deep in the eyes and tell her how beautiful she is.
Kiss her softly and tell her how much you love kissing her soft lips. You’re now stimulating her romantic, "love-making" emotions that make her feel cared for and loved.
Do this for a couple of minutes and then…
Step 3: Return to rough passion.
Grab her around the waist and start kissing her more passionately while you press your body against hers. Start breathing a little heavier and she’ll do the same (which is a very good thing, by the way).
Tilt her head back by pulling on her hair again and RAVAGE her neck with your lips and mouth.
Step 4: Pick her up and throw her onto your bed.
Literally pick her up off the floor by grabbing her under the thighs and wrapping them around you.
Now walk her to your bed and (gently) "throw her" down onto it. Obviously, make sure you don’t hurt her. If you can’t do this without risking injury, put her down and then push her on the bed.
Now get on top of her and keep kissing her passionately and breathing heavy. Then…
Step 5: Return to the romantic side.

Stop breathing heavy. Slow down. Look her in the eyes and tell her how gorgeous they are. Gently kiss her along the neck and nibble her ear lobe. Smell her hair, take in her aroma and tell her she smells good.
Do this for a few minutes and then return to the rough side. Go back and forth between the two a few times.
While you’re in "rough mode", spread her legs, get in between them and start grinding your groin against hers.
Remember, you’re both still fully clothed at this point and she’s already getting so horny she’s starting to lose the ability (and desire) to think straight.
Step 6: Get half naked.
Get down to your underwear. Both of you.
Now get back on top of her and slowly grind your groin against hers THROUGH your underwear. Then…
Step 7: Get rough again.
Place your hand around her neck.
Obviously, make sure you don’t choke her. But placing your hand around her neck as if you were about to and letting her feel your presence there is something that drives most women absolutely wild.
Step 8: Let her know she's loved.
Now return to the romantic side by taking your hand away from her neck and gently kissing it in the same spots she just felt your hand a moment ago.
This trick works incredibly well because you’re giving her the emotions of feeling deeply desired by a strong, confident man, and then you’re immediately showing her that she’s safe and cared for.Step 9: Start teasing her with slow sex.

By the time you finally enter your girl, she’ll be soaking wet and craving you inside her. This is the point where a lot of guys get overly excited and just start pounding away like a jackhammer.
Don’t make this mistake.
Stay in slow-mode and turn up your girls arousal even more by slowly teasing her. Enter her with only your tip, then pull it out and rub yourself against her clit for a few seconds.
Before going back in, press your tip against her opening. She’ll anticipate your entrance and crave it more when you delay letting her have it a little.
Go back in slowly with just your tip again, then pull out. Do this 10 times and she’ll be soaked with uncontrollable desire for you!
Step 10: Give it to her rough. 

By now she’ll be insanely hungry to feel all of you inside her and she’s likely begging you to let her have more.
Slowly go in all the way and you’ll feel enormous to her.
Let her have a minute to feel all of you deep inside her then start gradually giving it to her a little harder and rougher. Keep switching between rough and slow by switching from hard, deep penetration to slow teasing.
Don’t be surprised if she comes in just a few minutes of penetration. Arousal Confusion is that powerful!
If you're ready to be the best she's ever had, watch Nick Hardwicks Video The 67 Ways To Make Her Come. If You're a woman and want to make your man melt, watch Nick's BlowHisMind.com Video.

Do you know the Best Orgasmic Positions for Women?

Before I start telling you Tajahi’s Secrets, I just want to say thank you to all the ladies who are keeping the Tajahi Facebook page so HOT. We have had some really good short discussions this week and I have really enjoyed the sharing we have done…. THANKS!!!!
Ok with that said… this week I want to talk to you about sex positions that are conducive to female orgasm.
Tajahi's Pre Orgasmic Steps
Having an orgasm has not always been an easy task for me to accomplish; often I would have sex and never even come close to reaching a climax. I realized that I had to be totally comfortable with myself, my man and have my mind right to climax during sex. It took a lot of trial and error but once we got there, man was it great. I decided to share some of the positions that have consistently allowed me to reach orgasm… remember that every woman is different and if you aren’t relaxed, comfortable and aroused, it won’t matter what position you do it in, your chances of reaching an orgasm will be slim. So, before you start be sure to get your mind right with these Pre Orgasmic Readiness Steps:
Relax

Clear your mind of all negative sexual thought
Be comfortable with and love your body (poor body perception is a huge negative factor inhibiting orgasm)
Know that you will have an orgasm (I am a strong believer in positive thought and speaking something into reality)
Make sure you are totally aroused (if you aren’t aroused it will take you much longer to reach orgasm, if you do at all)
Rear Entry or Doggie Style Positions
Ok now that we have our minds right, we are totally aroused and ready to begin, here are some positions that put our men in the right spot to help us achieve our orgasm.
Rear Entry or Doggie Style
Standing Rear Entry
This is position is great due to the angle of your man, he can easily stimulate your g-spot and it leaves your hands free to stimulate your c-spot or clitoris… Double stimulation allows for very intense orgasms. Try variations of this position to see which ones work best for you:
Up on all fours

Put your upper body down on the bed leaving your bottom in the air
Lift your upper body putting your hands on the headboard or wall
Your man standing behind you on the floor, while you kneel off the edge of the bed
Lay face down on the bed, tilt your hips so your bottom is up in the air and use a pillow under your hips if you are easily fatigued. You can try this position with your mans legs either inside or outside of your legs
Standing rear entry
Reverse Cowboy
Continue reading...
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Reverse Cowboy or Cowgirl
This is a position that puts us in control. We can lean back or forward allowing us to determine the right angle. We can go as fast or as slow as we want. If you want him to stimulate your C-spot (clit) he can but I like to do it myself. Only I know the intensity and rhythm I need at the right moment…. so although he may want to help… I suggest you do it yourself.
You can also practice your Kegel exercises to increase your pleasure. He can also assist you with this position by helping you lift your body on the up and down action by placing his hands on your bottom and lifting.
Side note: I prefer the normal, woman on top - riding position, with me facing my man but I showcased the reverse cowboy due to all the rave reviews of this position and how effective it is for ease of orgasm.

The Tantric Raised Feet Position
Variation of the Raised Feet Position
This is a variation of the missionary position. In this position your hips are lifted resting on your mans thighs or against his pelvis, as he kneels in front of you. This is my favorite because I get the best G-spot stimulation in this angle, I can stimulate my C-spot, and best of all… I can totally focus on receiving pleasure and enjoying what I am feeling. I can control the angle by tilting my hips up or down to ensure my g-spot is stimulated. All I can say is this position is the bomb. I am multi orgasmic so this position allows me reserve my energy and cum till I can’t take it anymore. J
Variation of the Raised Feet Position
You can do variations of this position as you can see in the two images above.
Your legs resting on your mans shoulders
Your legs resting around his hips
Your legs over your head with your knees on your shoulders
Both legs either on his left or right shoulder
Your legs in the air and your ankles crossed
The key to this position is for your man to be kneeling on his knees.
I love to cum…. If I have sex and I don’t reach orgasm I am not a happy camper and my man knows that. Fortunately, he is a pleaser and with conversation we are able to explore new positions, experience new sensations, and I must say… sex is amazingly satisfying for both of us… So with that said… the positions above are the ones that I enjoy the most and bring me to orgasm the easiest. I suggest you experiment and find the positions that work for you and your partner.
I also featured positions that leave your hands free to stimulate your clit to double the pleasure and I am totally all about the double pleasure. J Check out the earlier blog to understand the benefits of combining G-spot and Clitoral stimulation to assist you in reaching mind-blowing orgasms.
Tajahi’s Secret: Manual Clitoral stimulation in almost any position will allow you to reach orgasm, so get comfortable with yourself, leave preconceived notions of pleasuring yourself at the door and claim your orgasm. Leaving your pleasure up to your man does little to help us, especially if we are having climatic issues.
I would love to hear from you ladies… share the positions that make you cum.
Have Great Sex until I share more of Tajahi’s Secrets next week…. smooches.
“...Claim It”

What Happens To Your Body During An Orgasm

Now, go perform some "research" of your own ;)
By Tara Block and additional reporting by Alexis Nordby
We have sex to feel connected to our partners and to express our love, but for most of us, the main reason we're getting it on is for the amazing rush of pleasure we feel once we reach orgasm.
What does an orgasm feel like? It's an indescribable feeling of bliss. But have you ever wondered what happens to your body physically when you climax?

Once a woman becomes sexually aroused, her heart begins to beat quicker, she breathes faster and she'll tighten various muscles all over her body. Her breasts will enlarge slightly and her nipples will become erect. Some women's faces, necks, or chests will become flushed (a sex flush) and her clitoris enlarges.
She'll notice that her vagina creates a natural lubricant which makes sex smoother and more enjoyable. Her labia will flatten out and open up and the inside of her vagina will lengthen and widen (preparing for you know what). All this happens because blood rushes to the pelvic area, which is called engorgement, and creates a pleasurably warm sensation in that area (I'm sure you've felt it).

As arousal continues, everything becomes even more enlarged and all the changes mentioned above become more pronounced, yet the woman's clitoris actually retracts under the hood and gets 50 percent shorter right before she climaxes.
When the woman reaches orgasm, her skin will flush and muscles all over her body will continue to contract. Blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing rates will continue to rise.
In the vagina itself, she'll feel rhythmic contractions in the outer part of the vagina, in her uterus, and anus. The muscle contractions actually have a purpose — they help to suck semen higher up into the vagina, making it easier for sperm to swim to your egg and help you get pregnant.
These intense pulses happen about once every second. Mild orgasms have three to five pulses, and intense orgasms have 10 to 15!
The uterus, labia, and clitoris then return to their normal size, and the woman feels extreme muscle relaxation. At this point, some women may be able to respond to further stimulation so they can have additional orgasms.Tara Block is the Content Director for PopSugar Living. She's a lover of books, Harry Potter fanatic, and part-time Disneyland citizen.

21 'Dirty Talk' Phrases Guaranteed To Elicit Hot, Hot Orgasms

Use your words to turn him on.
Before I give you these dirty talking examples, I first want to talk to you about why you should learn how to talk dirty to your guy as well as how to talk dirty to your man effectively so that you arouse him, build sexual tension, keep him thinking about you and ultimately have a more fulfilling sex life together.
Why should you talk dirty to your man?
The most powerful thing it does is that it keeps your man thinking about you.
By using dirty talk in more subtle, indirect ways, your man will never be quite sure what you mean and as a result he will end up constantly thinking about you and what you said. This is crucial for keeping him attracted.
Secondly, talking dirty is incredibly hot and arousing to your man if you do it the right way. As you can probably guess this makes it great to use if you want to make sex hotter and more enjoyable than usual.
Lastly, what talking dirty to your guy does is build sexual tension. Sexual tension is crucial if you want to prevent your relationship from getting boring.

How do you make dirty talking part of your sexual relationship?
Before I go over what you should say, I want to first show you how to talk dirty effectively.

Many people think that it's what they say that makes the difference, but the truth is that it's actually how you say it.
Think about this for a moment: if you turn to your man with a goofy grin and in a squeaky voice you quickly say, "I want you so bad," then it's going to sound a little weird.
But, if you slowly walk toward your man, put your hand on his chest and look seductively into his eyes before using a sultry, sexy voice to whisper in his ear, "I want you soooo bad right now" — then it's going to turn him on almost immediately.
Notice the difference? One is super hot and a major turn on for your man — the other is just awful. It'll probably have the opposite effect and turn him right off.
Now's the time to dirty talk yourself using some of the following suggestions.
And FYI: these also work great over the phone or as sexting messages or even as direct messages on social media like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat.

How to talk dirty before sex:
1. "I need you right now."
2. "I get so turned on just thinking about the last time we made love."
3. "I feel so weak and turned on at the same time when I'm in your arms."
4. "I want to give you the best oral sex you've ever had."
5. "I want you to slowly kiss me from my lips, down my neck, onto my breasts and all the way down my body." (feel free to reword this to something even dirtier if you're comfortable.)
6. "I just want to be used by you tonight. Can I be your personal toy?"
7. "I can't wait until we're both alone so that I can blow your mind."
8. "I want to tie you up later and have my way with you."
9. "Feeling you on top of me and in control is the hottest thing ever!"
10. "I was thinking about you last night before I went to sleep ..."
11. "I love how you look at me when we're together, it's so hot!"
How to talk dirty during sex:
12. "Just lie back and let me take care of business."
13. "I love feeling you in my hands!"
14. "Keeping going, keep going!"
15. "I love how you taste."
16. "Don't stop, it feels so good!"
17. "You dominating me is such a turn on."
18. "I want you to take control of me."
​19. "Stop talking and just do me!"
20. "I never want you to stop, it feels so good."
21. "I want you to finish wherever you like."
If you want to deliver these lines effectively, remember to think about these things:
The tone of your voice. Sometimes a deep and soulful tone is great for building sexual tension and keeping him thinking about you, while other times a more excited, varied tone works great for turning him on.
How fast you're talking. Speaking slowly is almost always more powerful than speaking quickly when talking dirty.
What you're doing with your body. If you tell your man, "I love your butt in those jeans" but you are not even looking at him and your body language is completely closed off, then he'll know that you don't really mean what you are saying. But if you maintain eye contact and are facing him and touching him — then it's going to much more effective.

3 Types Of Orgasms Women Should Experience — And The Ancient Chinese Method For Making That Happen

Game-changer.
For many women, an orgasm is a fleeting experience, even a mythical creature. Some women even ask questions like, "What is an orgasm?" and, "What does an orgasm feel like?" because they have never experienced one. For other women, they're even wondering how to orgasm in the first place.
A female orgasm is typically defined as a series of rhythmic contractions or pulsations in the vagina or "an intense pleasurable release of sexual tension ... accompanied by contractions of the genital muscles."
I would add to this that orgasm is about a build up of energy that suddenly starts to move, causing these vibrations and involuntary contractions.
Sexologists classically describe three kinds of female orgasms:
Clitoral orgasm: generally brought on by clitoral stimulation, and characterized by contractions and vibrations in the vagina entrance
G-Spot orgasm: generally brought on by stimulation of the G-spot, and characterized by deeper contractions from further within the vagina, and which may also cause female ejaculation or "squirting"
Cervical orgasm: which occurs when the cervix also starts to vibrate and move or contract.

These descriptions are helpful to know, but if you've never experienced an orgasm of any kind, let alone all three, the information may seem difficult to make sense of.
According to research conducted by psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema of Yale University, fewer than 5 percent of women have a disorder known as anorgasmia, which is defined as "a type of sexual dysfunction in which a person cannot achieve orgasm despite adequate stimulation."
However, as many as two-thirds of women do not experience regular orgasms.
This is a shocking statistic.
As stated by Michael Castleman, who's been writing about sexuality and sex research for well over three decades:
"Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse.
"This bears repeating: Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man's penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.

"This statistic comes not from just one study, but from a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over the past 80 years ... Rounding things out: About half of women sometimes have orgasms during intercourse. About 20 percent seldom or ever have orgasms during intercourse. And about 5 percent never have orgasms, period.​"
So while doctors may have told you that you are anorgasmic and there is nothing anyone can do about it, the high probably is that this simply isn't true.
Not only can nearly every woman have orgasms, but most woman can also have multiple orgasms. In fact, it's my belief that an orgasm, which is a movement of energy, can be experienced in any part of the body.
Simply put, these vibrations result from a movement of energy. If you're not having orgasms, or not having as many orgasms as you'd like, it’s because energy is not moving.
Energy moves best in a relaxed body. Tension stops the flow of energy and also causes pain.
You may have heard the Chinese term "chi" or "qi", which refers to the life force.

It's like electricity, and is what gives us life. An intense orgasm actually feels electric because it is a movement of your energy or chi.
Research shows that anorgasmia in women may often be attributed to psychological causes such as the following:
Mental health problems, such as anxiety or depression
Poor body image
Stress and financial pressures
Cultural and religious beliefs
Embarrassment
Guilt about enjoying sex
Past sexual or emotional abuse
Relationship issues such as lack of connection, unresolved conflicts, poor communication of sexual needs and preferences, infidelity or breach of trust and intimate partner violence
These conditions all make it hard to relax and cause tension.
It’s important to work on the underlying causes, whether through conventional medical intervention or therapy, or through alternative medicine and practices like yoga.
However, I'm going to share with you an ancient Chinese practice that is tremendously effective for getting that energy flowing.
This method, called "the Deer Exercise", comes from a meditative practice known as Sexual Alchemy
.
It’s a Taoist practice that works on getting the sexual energy flowing through the body, and it’s quite powerful.
This is what you do:
Sit on your bed with your legs crossed, if possible, with a heel covering your vagina so the energy does not escape.
Start by rubbing your hands together to warm them, and then massage your breasts using circular movements, clockwise first and then counter-clockwise. Do this for up to 10 minutes, ideally. You will notice a sensation. It’s the hormones being released into your body. The powerful energy is being directed to your glands as it rejuvenates you.
Next, massage your ovaries and feel the energy spread. You can also massage your womb.
After this, massage the entrance of your vagina, slowly and deliberately moving in clockwise and then counter-clockwise directions as before. Whatever you feel tempted to do, continue with slow circles.
As you finish, take in a long, deep breath, and as you do, tightly pull up your pelvic floor. Hold your breath for a similar amount of time, and finally, release your breath at the same you release the pelvic floor contraction, exhaling slowly.
This magical exercise will change your whole body.
Set aside a special time and space to start doing this regularly. Call it your little quiet spot and pamper yourself. It feels great and also is great for your general energy levels.
You will start to feel electric. Keep up the practice and see what happens.
The reason I feel so confident saying this works is that I know from first-hand experience, because I used to be anorgasmic.
I couldn't even comprehend what an orgasm was. My boyfriend would ask me why I didn’t have an orgasm, and I couldn’t even understand what he meant. Not only was this embarrassing, it was frustrating. I knew I was missing out on something, but didn’t really know what it was.
Then I discovered Sexual Alchemy, and within a few months I was multi-orgasmic. The rest is history!

The SURPRISING Reason Your Man Falls Asleep After Sex

It has nothing to do with biology and EVERYTHING to do with this.
Your man enjoys a amazing orgasm during sex. You revel in the thrashing of his body on top of you. The air sighs out of him and he goes limp, his weight pressing you into the bed. Down below, you feel "the main event" shrinking. He looks into your eyes and says, "It was good, it was big."
He kisses you, rolls off ... and falls asleep.
You lie in the dark thinking, "Maybe I'm responsible for my own orgasm, but couldn't he have contributed a little more?" Or, maybe you are sexually satisfied, but feel as though he betrayed the closeness of your "lovemaking" with his unceremonious drop into sleep. Listening to his gentle snores, you feel dissatisfied, frustrated, and lonely.
You're educated, liberated, understanding, and get gender differences. You've read the studies and know that "75 percent of men do this ..." and what not. You (and science) justify his post-coital snooze by acknowledging that he just got a massive hit of prolactin with his orgasm, knocking him right out. And, with his evolutionary duty being done (making kids) — he's done, too.

Resigned to yet another example of God and evolution not working in your favor, you figure you might as well let it go and get used to it.
Let me stop you right there!
Yes, we're biological creatures, zinging with hormones and neurotransmitters, but we're NOT slaves to our biology.
You know damn well that if the game were on after his "big O," he'd be bushy-tailed again by kick-off. Remember, too, the battles early feminists waged against experts who solemnly asserted that women couldn't adequately function in the work place, because of their monthly hormonal maelstrom. (In other words, don't believe every scientific justification for insensitive behavior).
Biology is no excuse. It influences but does not dictate our behavior. Your man can choose something other than sleep after sex. And, you can choose something other than lying in bed feeling resentful.
Two things could be at play here: Sleep, like "having a headache," is an easy way to avoid the messiness of dealing with uncomfortable stuff, like connecting with your partner on an emotional level. 
So, what's the real reason he's nodding off versus connecting with you? What's your man avoiding?
If women worry about their appearance, men worry about their performance. Can they keep it up? Will they come too soon? Can they find your clit, g-spot, or even trigger your ejaculatory release for that matter? Can they match the improbable antics they see in online porn? Can they sexually satisfy you?
Society raises men to perform.
We frequently tie our self-worth to how well we do in school, sports, careers, and most other areas of our lives (Note: women too! See Brene Brown's masterful: The Gifts of Imperfection). We're praised when we do a task well and criticized when we do it poorly. Who we are as men is measured by our performance. But, it gets even nastier. No matter how well we perform, it's never perfect — we could always have done better. It's as if we marinate ourselves in a corrosive sense of never ever being good enough.
So for us, it's better to go to sleep than learn that we're not satisfying you.
This situation becomes exacerbated by several factors. Physiologically, you're confusing. When pleasing a man, it's reasonably clear what you need to grab onto. However, with women, it's a guessing game — especially in the dark and with, say, your tongue.

How often has your partner gone downtown, industrially licking down there, but way off-center? You reach down and gently guide his head to the big top, but after a few seconds he drifts off onto some other random fold.
Any lover, particularly one just starting out, is going to get lost now and then. Instead of asking for directions (c'mon, a man!?), he's going to pretend all is well and avoid any bad news by going to sleep.
With sex, the stakes are really high. It's not like figuring out the remote — after sex, you're open to serious rejection, criticism, or judgment. Again, safety feels better than to feel hurt.
Finally, women are often lousy at communicating their needs. Even if men ask, we often just get a tepid, "I'm OK" or "I'm fine." Little is more corrosive than the lie designed to protect another's feelings. We know you're lying and you're training us not to trust you AND that your needs aren't important.
So what do you do when your man wants to snooze post sex?
Communicate. Be straight, courageous, and responsible. Do it with heart, grace, and generosity.
Too frequently, people blame their partners for what isn't working in the relationship — "He's the one who's going to sleep, after all." True, but it's your job to talk to him about what you like and do so without deploying the relationship killers of criticism, judgment, and resentment.
Engage him so that your request lights him up. Create a space in which he's comfortable talking about pleasuring you. Give him a tour. Be straight about what you like and what you don't like
Be warned that, generally, you can't talk someone out of a deeply held belief such as "I'm not good enough." That's his work. It's enough to know that insecurity is there and that it's tender.
Bringing an open heart to sex is scary. Having the courage to wade into the messiness of feelings, fears, and the unknown — without judgment — is a gift to you and to him. But, do it successfully and you'll grace your lovemaking with intimacy and love.
Make big things happen in your life. Contact me via my website to set up a free discovery session.

11 Effortless Ways To Keep Your Vagina Comfortable During Sex

Step 1: Heavy on the foreplay.
For a lot of women, intercourse is not always like pizza: i.e. even when it's bad, it's good. Nope: when intercourse is bad due to pain, it’s really bad.
There are many reasons why intercourse can hurt: an infection, an STD, vaginitis, vulvodynia, PTSD (perhaps due to a previous sexual assault)… But if you've ruled these possibilities out with your doctors (and if sex is always painful for you, you must see a doctor), then we hope some of these tips for making intercourse more comfortable for your vagina will help:
1. Insist on foreplay.
And lots of it. Think extended erotic buildup.
In other words: get your partner to tease, tease and tease you. And then tease you some more. The more turned on you are, the more room there is in the back two-thirds of your vagina, the better penetration will feel to you, and the greater chance for your own natural lubrication to supplement all the man-made lube you’ll be using (see next point).
2. Use lube! 
Do you know what we like to say about lube in the sex biz? Too much lube is almost enough.
A water-based or silicone lubricant can really help ease friction. Keep reapplying it throughout the sesh (a pump dispenser is great for one-handed reapplication). And don't be a cheapskate — K-Y might seem like a bargain, and it might be the closest at hand in your corner drugstore, but it can't compete with the higher-end, longer-lasting, heartier lubes available at sex toy outlets. There, you can get sampler packs to experiment with until you find the one that helps you fit together the most comfortably.
Or treat yourself to a nice bottle of love that's glycerin-free, paraben-free and fragrance-free like Lelo's Personal Moisturizer. Something sturdy like Maximus —popular with anal sex fans —will last a while, but don't be afraid to re-apply, especially if you're having a marathon session (i.e. anything longer than 10 minutes). 

3. Try condoms (if you're not using them already).
Not only will it help protect you against STDs and pregnancy (duh), it may also help facilitate a smoother entry and less internal tissue tearing, especially if it's lubricated (just avoid the ones with Non-oxynol 9.) And make sure the added lube you're using is compatible with latex. Condoms might also protect you if his semen is irritating to your vagina (a possibility).
So invest in high quality, super-thin condoms with added sensitivity for him — you don't want some thick, cheap rubber desensitizing him, resulting in the urge/need for him to thrust harder/faster/deeper to get to his own happy place and resulting in vadge burn for you! (See next point.)
4. Do it differently.
Jackhammering is not the only way to get busy — in fact, for most women, it's a terrible and unsatisfying way to have intercourse. With penile penetration, have your fella focus on shallow penetration and slow, gentle thrusting. Remember, the outer third of the vagina tends to be more sensitive. Plus, shallower penetration gives him a greater chance of stimulating your G-spot (if you're into that — see the next point). 
Experiment with the Coital Alignment Technique. Or have your partner hold still so your you can control the motion (rather than vice versa). Or get on top so that you can set the pace (rather than vice versa). Play around with other positions until you find the most comfortable ones.
5. Avoid G-spotting.
For some women, having their G-spot targeted is actually painful. Maybe that's you. So, have him skip any come-hither handwork before intercourse, and avoid positions that target it, like Doggie Style, to see if that helps.
6. Work on strengthening your pelvic floor muscles.
Many natural birth advocates encourage preggos to do their Kegels religiously, since having toned PC muscles not only means you can contract them at will, but you can also relax them when it's time to make way for a baby to come out — and we don't see why this wouldn't work in the opposite direction in your case.
7. Keep the clitoris content.
If clitoral stimulation is necessary for your sexual satisfaction, then by all means, make sure that your clit keeps getting the attention it needs and deserves throughout intercourse — whether that's via his hand, your fingers, a vibrating penis ring, or a sexual position that keeps pressure on that area during intercourse (like the C.A.T.).
Considering the vast distance between the clitoris and the vaginal canal (everything's relative), you've got to be proactive about keeping it in the game, especially when a lot of intercourse positions leave the clit sitting out on the sidelines.
8. Try it at different times of the month.
You may find that it's more or less comfortable at different times during your cycle. For example, you may find you have to abstain from penile penetration the week before and during your period. 
9. Think sexy thoughts.
As they say, your brain is your biggest sex organ. So, be in the moment. Stay in the moment. Fantasize. Focus on the pleasant sensations your body is experiencing. Rather than closing your eyes, look in your partner's eyes, or at your bodies.
Don't let nagging or negative thoughts distract you. If you have some issues that may need to get worked out with therapy or medication, by all means, see a professional — so you can be more present during sex, which will make it more enjoyable.
10. Don't date big dicks.
Not the emotional kind, but the ones with actual footage in their pants.
Perhaps that's a little difficult to discover really early on in a relationship — "Hi, my name's Mary. How big is your penis?" — but if it ever, shall we say, comes up (e.g. you can get a sense from his tight jeans, you know an ex girlfriend of his, he brags or warns you about it), then don't go on a second date. 
11. Stop thinking of intercourse as sex.
Those two things are not the necessarily the same. Intercourse isn't the be-all end-all of sex, despite wide reports to the contrary (gross exaggerations, if you ask us).
Spend lots of time on naked grinding, massage, "titty fucks" (just please, for the love of God, don't call them that), handwork, oral sex, sex toys, mutual masturbation, etc. In two words: reconceptualize sex.
When you do get to the intercourse, make sure he realizes patience is not a virtue with you; that when it comes to the duration of penile penetration, endurance is not appreciated. As long as you're having fun and getting off, those things can be just as good (if not better, especially in your case) than the old in-out.
Instead of thinking of intercourse as the main course, think of it as the occasional side dish or dessert of an already satisfying meal.