User “MonsieurLeDude.” "100% normal and happens all the time. If you value your current relationship, it's best to continue admiring from afar for obvious reasons. If you aren't trying to get close to this person then it's also normal for the attraction to run out of steam with zero impact on your life. Or it can go the other way, if you let it.”
User “Newbielurker.” "It's fine. Absolutely fine. Your ability to be attracted to other people doesn't stop when you start a relationship, you just instead chose not to interact on that attraction.
That said, best to put some protections in place to stop yourself interacting with this crush. Try not to have any private time with them, or extra special contact beyond what you would have with a friend. A good guide is 'could this situation possibly lead to sex?’ and if the answer is yes, avoiding that. hanging out in a group of friends? safe. going out just with her to get drunk? Very unsafe.
As long as these thoughts only remain thoughts, never effecvting or hurting anyone they are not a problrm at all.”
That said, best to put some protections in place to stop yourself interacting with this crush. Try not to have any private time with them, or extra special contact beyond what you would have with a friend. A good guide is 'could this situation possibly lead to sex?’ and if the answer is yes, avoiding that. hanging out in a group of friends? safe. going out just with her to get drunk? Very unsafe.
As long as these thoughts only remain thoughts, never effecvting or hurting anyone they are not a problrm at all.”
User “PeteMichaud.” "Totally normal. When I get crushes, I enjoy the feeling and doing literally nothing else differently. It's the feeling that you have to act on it that'll do your head in if you let it.”
Anonymous. "I take all that sexual tension, desire, fantasy and roll it home, put it in my SOs bed, and destroy them with it. Sexual feelings are contagious. So if one dude is setting them off, ill just transfer the heat toward my SO. Crushes are normal. But I do tent to avoid that person in the future out of respect for my SO.”
User “pranidhanablue.” "I go through this every once in a while in my relationship. I let it live, enjoy it while it's around, and then let it pass.
I've been with my partner for 9 years and having crushes during the relationship has been a normal thing for me since the beginning. He wasn't the only guy I was interested in before we started dating and just because we started dating didn't mean I stopped liking the things I liked about the other guys I liked. I just didn't pursue them. But when confronted with them, I would still enjoy their presence or communicating with them.”
I've been with my partner for 9 years and having crushes during the relationship has been a normal thing for me since the beginning. He wasn't the only guy I was interested in before we started dating and just because we started dating didn't mean I stopped liking the things I liked about the other guys I liked. I just didn't pursue them. But when confronted with them, I would still enjoy their presence or communicating with them.”
User “pranidhanablue.” "Since being with my partner, there's been a handful of crushes to have popped up. I don't act on them, other than enjoying my friendship with them - it's almost always some acquaintance I didn't previously have any interest in, but then it comes out of nowhere - or fantasizing about them. But just as stuff comes, stuff goes.”
User “jsreyn.”< /b> "The same thing I do when I see something really expensive, but totally cool for sale. I think to myself 'that sure looks like fun, but I"m not going to wreck everything I've worked for to have it'. Then I go about my day. It helps to have a terrific spouse.”
User “mrgelastic.” "Not married but once I flirted with a married woman (I didn't know at the time), at the peak of our conversation she said 'I'd like to get your number but, where there's smoke theres fire’. Told me that mantra has gotten her through a lot.”
User “NosetheNose.” "Of course I get crushes. I admire them briefly and then destroy the feeling brutally. I love my wife, and I'm committed to her. I'm not going to let that change.”
User “DEEPFREEZE.” "I think the the notion of 'I am your spouse and therefore any attraction sexual or otherwise is a blatant violation of our sacred union' is what can place a lot of strain on and destroy a lot of marriages. Attractions are involuntary, anyone who tells either their spouse or themselves that they do not get them to anyone else or will never is lying through their teeth. It's perfectly natural, and making one another feel bad for having an involuntary feeling seems unfair. Now, what you do with those attractions is within your control and is what you are culpable for.”
User “Overshadows.” "I get crushes all the time! Enjoy them for what they are, a crush. Create a space for harmless admiration, and don't let it become anything more than that. I am committed to my husband, but I can appreciate other men too. Just draw a clear boundary on the front end.”
User “Overshadows.” "I was crushing on a soccer player in my home town- and when I had an opportunity to meet him, I declined. Why? Because it would ruin it. He could either have some idiot words come out of his mouth, or worse, he could say something charming. Don't put yourself in situations where the harmless admiration could grow, but allow yourself that much, so that is doesn't sneak up on you.”
User “acorngirl.” "I adore my husband, and we've had almost 26 happy years so far. But I've absolutely crushed on or lusted after other people a few times. I just didn't act on it, and made an effort to avoid situations where I would be tempted or have an opportunity to stray. Pretty sure my husband has had a few crushes too. But I trust him.”
User “hearthstrider.” "Everyone has feelings. What you do with them is what matters. The hope is that by the time you have a committed relationship, you've had enough personal experience to realize crushes come and go. A good rapport with the cute coworker doesn't mean they're your soulmate, it just means you have good rapport.
From a practical standpoint, a crush can sometimes be a signal that there's something you're missing in your relationship that you want back; and it's good to identify those things. Other times it's just basic hormones."
From a practical standpoint, a crush can sometimes be a signal that there's something you're missing in your relationship that you want back; and it's good to identify those things. Other times it's just basic hormones."
User “Eclectophile.” "Oh, sure! I tell my wife about them and we have a laugh about it. We do the same thing when she develops a crush on someone. Hell, she got a crush on a girl once a long time ago and we still joke about getting her as a second wife (even though I'm not attracted).
Life is more fun if you communicate with your partner. My wife is my bestie - I couldn't imagine not telling her about a person who was amazing enough to develop a crush on."
Life is more fun if you communicate with your partner. My wife is my bestie - I couldn't imagine not telling her about a person who was amazing enough to develop a crush on."
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