How to Challenge Women and Separate Yourself From “Other Guys” In Her Mind
You’ve probably been taught that there are “certain things” you just can’t say to a woman.
She’ll get too offended…
Or she’ll “call you horrible names”…
And you’ll get hung out to dry in public as a misogynist…
Right?
Wrong! A passionate Democrat can get turned on by a hardcore Republican when the lights are turned off.
In modern day society, most men tiptoe around their conversations surrounding sensitive subjects with women. They do this in an effort to avoid any level of confrontation…
But what if I told you having a heated discussion is actually a HUGE turn-on for her?
Meet the Men Dealing With the REAL Issues Guys Care About…
You might remember Peter McSweeney and Paul Janka — they’re the two guys behind Diapers Off!, a hilariously brilliant podcast designed to help men in their 30s navigate life and get exactly what they want out of it. They’re dealing with REAL issues that are really important to men.
(If you’re a fan of The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, you’ll love Diapers Off. Check it out on iTunes here.)
Since they first started Diapers Off, Peter and Paul have racked up tens of thousands of followers…
And if you read their last piece on Gotham Club, then you know they’ve got some good stuff to say.
So we sat down for an exclusive interview with the two of them to talk shop about all sorts of topics…
…many of which focused on a single question:
“What does it mean to be a man in today’s world?”
When Saying “All the Right Things” Is Just So WRONG…
As Peter says,
“We had a really unfair world for thousands of years where women were not allowed core rights…but things aren’t always equal in a man’s world now. There are many advantages women enjoy that men don’t, and in mainstream media it conveniently gets forgotten. There’s a huge entitlement in feminism now, especially in well-educated, middle-class circles.”
And as a result of this entitlement, guys feel like they can’t “question the movement” without being “thrown into a pile with all the chauvinistic pigs and bigots by an aggressively politically correct media.”
So many male voices end up “drowned or demonized unfairly,” and that’s anything but equal.
This really hit home with Peter when he was at a party and got into a debate with a beautiful, self-proclaimed “hardcore feminist.”
Things got a little heated, but as time went on and Pete stood his ground, it was obvious that she was starting to get intrigued by him.
“Even though we were debating she was like, ‘I find you … I don’t agree with you but …'” Pete said. She was starting to give off all of the classic signs she was into him.
And that wasn’t even Pete’s intention! He simply stood his ground, like any man should, and it naturally had this weird effect on her.
“Pete’s big on being outspoken,” Janka says. “People respect that.”
It Doesn’t End There…
She invited Peter to continue their debate at an after-party, but sadly two self-described “male feminists” decided to tag along. They butted in and started attacking Peter!
These two men thought that by “daring” to challenge this “poor woman” on her opinions, Pete had been offending her delicate sensibilities. One of them also thought that agreeing with everything she said was a good way to win her over.
In Peter’s words,
…By the end of [the debate] she came around to me and said, ‘Oh this [male feminist] is so annoying.’ I thought it was so ironic because he started the night as, ‘I’m the male feminist.’ He kept telling me, ‘It’s not your place to talk about this. Women must be left to decide for themselves,’ he kept saying.”
In reality, Pete says, that kind of “equality” isn’t equal at all. True equality is treating men the same as you would women. If you’d argue with your best friends about something, there’s no reason why you should change said argument because the person you’re arguing with is a woman.
That’s patronizing. That’s inequality in its highest form. That’s disrespectful to women on a deep, unconscious level.
The One Thing She Wants You to Do to Her…
According to McSweeney’s friend who was watching the whole drama unfold, the “hardcore feminist” got so turned on because she respected him! His buddy said,
Even though she was debating with him on a lot of the stuff he was saying…ironically, she respected him more from an evolutionary point of view.”
Women don’t want you to just sit back and take whatever they have to say to you.
That’s especially true if she’s really attractive.
“If you see a really bitchy, entitled girl, she’s been made that way by men, in the sense that because they want to sleep with her, they accommodate her behavior, so she gets used to a lot of people giving her that slack,” Janka says.
“Like any natural human being, she pushes the envelope, and the hotter she is, the more accommodating people have been.”
The result is that she comes to expect guys to tiptoe on eggshells around her. It becomes boring. It becomes “normal.”
So when she meets a guy who has strong opinions on a variety of topics…
She’s naturally intrigued, both because she’s not used to getting that reaction from guys, and because she’s biologically hard-wired to respect someone with strong opinions whether or not she agrees with them!
Of course, that begs the question, “How can I become a guy with strong opinions that women respect?”
There are a few different ways to trigger a real, deep conversation with a woman in a way that won’t leave her thinking that you’re a “jerk”…
…but that will still change her opinion of you from “nice guy” or “male feminist” to something she sees as more desirable: a man grounded in conviction and strong principles.
1) Dig Deeper
One of the easiest ways to get into a thoughtful, inspired debate in a way that provokes strong opinions is to ask some relevant questions.
When she makes a statement, think about the “why” behind it. Dig deeper than surface level stuff (don’t just ask about her pets or her favorite color).
Here are some good examples:
- “Why do you feel that way?”…
- “What makes you say that?” Or…
- “Have you always felt that way?”
And if her answer differs from what you think, don’t be afraid to tell her. Chances are she’ll respect you a lot more for “standing your ground.”
It’s also important not to hammer her with a bunch of questions at once. You want to be passionate without being overly aggressive. Peter notes,
I think the key nuance is NOT to just argue the toss like a child, but to have well-thought-out arguments that are fair, even if not totally politically correct. Be unapologetic and comfortable in delivering…Everyone, regardless of gender, should stand their ground…and if someone makes a good point, smile and take it graciously.”
At the end of the day, do you really want to be with a woman who’s going to try to bully you into thinking everything she thinks? Is that the kind of man you ultimately want to be?
Or would you rather be the guy who gets told, “I don’t agree with you, but I respect you a lot more for having that position?”
2) See the Stranglehold Your “Lizard Brain” Has On You…
You know that little voice you hear in your head when you’re about to say something controversial to a woman that tells you, “Better not say that! What if she disagrees with you?!”
That part of your brain is called your “lizard brain.” It’s in the brain stem, and it’s left over from an earlier time in our evolutionary history when we faced a lot more threats:
From predators…from potential starvation…or freezing because we couldn’t find shelter.
If you were thinking, that meant you were alive. And if you’re alive, that means the status quo was pretty damned good.
So the lizard brain worked to minimize risks. And guess what? You still have it! And you have to actively work to disregard it.
I could tell you to “be more argumentative,” or “be more controversial,” but that’s about as helpful as “be more confident.”
So here’s some specific advice to help you out:
Next time you’re talking to a woman, and you get that sense of “No, I shouldn’t say that…”
Take note of it.
Start keeping track of all of the times that happens.
Once you see how often it occurs, you’ll be shocked that other people are controlling what you’re thinking and saying.
And then you can move on to the next step…
3) How to Speak Your Mind More Often
Once you’ve seen how powerful your lizard brain’s hold can be, you’ll want to start disregarding it and speaking your mind more often.
I’m not gonna lie–that can seem really tough at first! But it’s a lot easier than you might think…
That’s because up to 95% of communication is non-verbal. So even if you say something that she finds completely “disgusting” at first…
You can still make up for it by your body language…
…how you look at her…
…and how you touch her when you first meet.
Once you have all three of these on lock, you’ll realize that what you say doesn’t matter much at all…
…so you’ll stop worrying about “What if she doesn’t like what I have to say?” and you’ll just be more open and honest with women.
And as Pete’s story has shown you, she’ll like and respect you a lot more for going that route.
