Pilates Workouts Lead to Better Orgasms

When it comes to having stamina in the sack, fitness fanatics definitely come out on top. But the sexual perks of working out are not limited to hardcore CrossFitters or marathoners, the subtle art of Pilates can definitely help you between the sheets.

Most people associate the Pilates Method with flat abs. But to get that toned torso, you have to work deep. I mean really deep. I am talking pelvic floor deep. Yep. That muscle group worked during Kegel exercises is also worked in Pilates. There's a kind of neurological synergy between the pelvic floor and the transversus abdominis, the deepest layer of ab muscle. So when you pull your navel to your spine, like you do multiple times in every Pilates class, you should also be engaging your pelvic floor too. It's like a Kegel but with an extra lift.

Regularly working the pelvic floor, often referred to as the "vagina muscles"-although men have pelvic floor muscles too-can lead to stronger, more satisfying orgasms; the pelvic floor muscles go off with your uterus and cervix during the contraction and release of orgasm. Squeezing these muscles during sex creates heightened sensations for your partner too. True story: many of my former clients' husbands thanked me for teaching their wives this technique.

Beyond strengthening the deep muscles of the pelvic floor, Pilates helps mobilize the entire pelvis by unlocking tight hips and loosening lower spines. Releasing this area means the pelvis can rock up an down and move in all sorts of circles; many Pilates exercises involve elements of slo-mo twerking and little gyrations-good moves to learn. Gaining mobility in this region leads to more uninhibited motion. As we learned from our flirty floor workout, when you move sexy you feel sexy.

While stability is a core principal of Pilates, flexibility is too. Many Pilates exercises open up tight hips and legs, allowing them to move more freely and in greater ranges of motion. The freedom in your joints and muscles means you can experiment with all sorts of interesting positions in the bedroom. Just try this Pilates inner-thigh workout! It strengthens the legs while lengthening tight hamstrings and adductors.

Pilates will also make you stronger all over, which is always a boon for sexy time. And while getting stronger, because Pilates focuses on the mind-body connection, these workouts help you understand your body better. And more body awareness leads to things all Pilates instructors teach clients like better posture and good form when lifting, but it can also lead to a more satisfying sex life.

Anal Orgasms Are Real—Here's How to Have One

Orgasms come in all different varieties. There's the clitoral orgasm, the G-spot orgasm, the cervical orgasm, even something called the core orgasm, or "core-gasm," which some women can experience by using their core muscles during a workout.

But the one type of climax most women don't know about is the anal orgasm. Yep, this actually exists. Yet before you give the idea of a backdoor climax the side-eye, let sex experts explain why this area is a secret erongenous zone—and how stimulating it can deepen your sexual pleasure.


RELATED: Yes, There Are 11 Different Types of Orgasm. Here's How to Have Each
What an anal orgasm is, exactly

Put simply, an anal O is the result of sexual stimulation of the nerves in and around the anus. “The anus is [packed] with nerves, especially the incredibly erogenous pudendal nerve—which connects to the clitoris," Megwyn White, director of education at online sex toy retailer Satisfyer, tells Health. The pudendal nerve carries sensation to and from your perineum, reaching your vagina, vulva, and anus, too.

What does this kind of orgasm feel like? Andrea Barrica, founder of the sexual education website O.school, tells Health that some women describe it as being similar to a clitoral orgasm—a pulse of pleasurable contractions, but this time around the anal sphincter. Others may feel more of a "spreading wave" of pleasure.

RELATED: 5 Things You Need to Know Before You Try Anal Sex


How to get started and experience one

Some women may hit this high note during pentrative anal sex with their partner's penis, while others get there via lighter touching or using toys. Like any other kind of orgasm, there's no "right" way to do it, and every woman has her own technique depending on what feels good for her body and her own comfort level.

That said, the way to get started is to experiment. “Pleasurable anal play can happen with an anal vibrator, plug or beads, a penis or dildo, finger play, annulingus, really anything,” Alicia Sinclair, certified sex educator and CEO of b-Vibe, tells Health.

Like any kind of sex session, you'll want to get things going with ample amounts of foreplay, such as touching, kissing, and vaginal and clitoral stimulation. From there, ease into it. Says Sinclair: “Take it slow, use your hands, help your partner relax, and make sure you’re both comfortable.”

Once you're relaxed and ready, begin with a tongue or finger to gently stimulate the area of the anus. “When you’re aroused, try to ease one finger or tip of a plug inside,” suggests White. The muscles will open up naturally so the plug or finger can go inside. If you have to force it, you're not ready.

RELATED: How Risky Is Anal Sex? A Gynecologist Explains

Reaching anal o-town

From there, you can try something bigger—a plug, strap-on dildo, or penis, for example. “If the plug or finger easily slide in and out of the anus without discomfort, you may want to move into penetrative sex,” says White. If you opt for a toy, Sinclair suggests one that is slightly longer than your finger, no wider than two fingers, non-textured, and made of a flexible material.

As you get more into it, your anal area may start feeling super pleasurable sensations, even a buildup of pressure that segues into contraction-like waves. If what you experience isn't quite the release you usual feel when you orgasm, it should still feel good.

If you're experiencing amazing sensations but you're not quite reaching climax but you keep trying, take a deep breath—and take the idea of having an orgasm off the table. “Pressure, stress, and anxiety are the biggest blockers of orgasm,” says Barrica. Try staying in the moment when you explore the sensations of anal play. As with any kind of orgasm, don’t let the end game become the whole game.

Cooking with Coconut Oil: GOOD OR BAD?

First you hear: eat all the coconut oil. Then you hear: don’t eat coconut oil at all. Then you start researching. Hopefully, your research has landed you here. In my opinion, you don’t need to totally ditch the natural extract. Read on to learn about its benefits compared with other oils, and how to take advantage of them.
Like some of our other healthy oil options, coconut oil is an amazing medium-chain fatty acid. Sure, it’s high in saturated fat, but not all saturated fats are created equal. In moderation, coconut oil can be a great choice.
This particular oil has many benefits that don’t require ingesting. It can also help with skin irritations (depending on the cause) and can be used for oral care to naturally cleanse your mouth. Coconut oil has antibacterial properties and can help treat some infections. It’s also anti-fungal, which saved us with one of our baby’s diaper rashes. Lauric acid is to thank for the effectiveness in treating some infections.
But let’s not forget another reason it gained so much popularity in the food industry. Since it’s saturated fat, it’s one of the best oils for high-temperature cooking and baking. Saturated fats retain their structures when heated at high temperatures. This is not the same for polyunsaturated fats, like those found in vegetable oils, which can be converted into harmful toxins when met with high heat. Another thing to remember about all healthy fats is that it’s important to mix them up.
To help you understand how to properly choose your oils in the kitchen, here are my basic rules of thumb:

– Coconut oil for baking: it adds moisture similar to butter and has such a mild flavor, so it’s the ideal substitute for non-dairy eaters. Though for holiday baking or celebrations, I tend to still use butter. (Editor’s note: Kourt uses coconut oil in her Rice Krispies treats instead of butter.)
– Avocado oil for stovetop cooking and roasting: another high-heat oil that is great for your hot cooking.
– Olive oil for cool recipes: this is what I use for salad dressings, toppings on already cooked veggies, and anything cold.
No matter how good something sounds, moderation is always key. Mix it up and don’t use coconut oil on everything.

Your Playlist for a GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP

Everyone knows that music has the power to change your emotion, your mood, and your energy level. Just take a quick look at your workout playlist, which is most likely a combo of upbeat, quick-tempo, pulsating songs to keep you motivated as you sweat it out at the gym. But this isn’t the only playlist you should be using regularly to improve your health. Creating an ideal playlist to help you drift off to sleep is one of the best additions you can make to your current bedtime routine. And since sleep helps combat aging, improves skin health, and keeps your mind sharp, it’s time to look at the power of music through a whole new light.

Obviously not all music is created equal when it comes to choosing melodies that can soothe you and make you feel relaxed. If you want to go straight for a foolproof choice, it’s been reported that one song called “Weightless” by Marconi Union performs better than just about any other music used to help people fall asleep and reduce anxiety. Wondering why that is? The song was created in collaboration with a sound therapist so that the fluid harmonies, gentle chimes, and rhythms replicate a heartbeat.

Doesn’t sound like music you’d typically gravitate to? Keep in mind that a bedtime playlist should be designed specifically to reflect a peaceful purpose, so you may have to shelve your typical music choices and open your mind. The most effective choices will come from the instrumental art genre where minimalism leads the way. It may take you a while to embrace them, but tried and true sleep-worthy songs deliver when it comes to getting the rest you need.

We’ve curated a list of sleep-inducing songs that will help slow your heart rate and your breathing, allowing your mind to follow suit. Using music to put you into a state of relaxation can be just what you need to welcome sleep easily.

Listen to the full playlist on Spotify, and let us know in the comments on Instagram which playlist you’d like us to share next.

Sex & Relationships

Pelvic Pain Specialist
Professor of OB/GYN at Drexel University College of Medicine
Professor of Human Sexuality at Widener University
Assistant Professor at Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School
Bryn Mawr, PA 

Q: How can I improve my own and my partner's orgasm?

Nearly all women are physically capable of orgasm at some time during their lifetime, although women vary in terms of how often, how many and under what circumstances they experience orgasm. A woman's capacity for and type of orgasm can change over her lifespan, so it is important to understand the uniqueness of your experience. What "facilitates" or "improves" an orgasm for you may not make any difference in an orgasm for another woman.

Here are some tips that have been found by some women to enhance orgasm:

1. Consider changing your position. Some positions are more prone to help women achieve an orgasm. For example, the "coital alignment technique," or CAT is a modified missionary position that provides stimulation to a woman's clitoris more so than other sexual positions.
2. Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. These are the same muscles you use to stop the flow of urine; the same muscles used in doing a "Kegel" exercise. Toning these muscles may increase the potential for orgasm.
3. Ask your partner to increase touching. Clitoral stimulation combined with intercourse can increase the likelihood of orgasm, as well as improve orgasm intensity. Consider touching yourself during intercourse as self stimulation can often provide the most intense orgasms.
4. Stay Focused! During sex, work hard to keep your mind "in the moment" and off of household or work-related "to-do lists."
5. Consider trying a vibrator. Women who use vibrators often have more positive "sexual function," which includes desire, arousal and orgasm.
6. Have more sex. With each orgasm you have, you may increase the strength of the vagina, labia and clitoris. Somewhat comparable to a muscle, the stronger it gets, the better it works.

What’s the Key to Female Orgasm During Sex?

THURSDAY, April 21, 2016 (HealthDay News) — Despite what's often portrayed in movies and on TV, most women can't orgasm with penetration alone during sexual intercourse.
And simple anatomy is to blame, a new evidence review suggests.
Each woman's ability to orgasm during sex depends almost wholly on physical development that occurred while she was still in the womb, according to the review authors.
During gestation, the clitoris begins to drift up and away from the vaginal opening, the researchers said.
But among women whose clitoris drifted too far up, it may be very difficult or even impossible to have an orgasm during sex, because traditional lovemaking doesn't provide enough friction to stimulate the clitoris, said Dr. Maureen Whelihan. She's an obstetrician and gynecologist in West Palm Beach, Fla., and an expert with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
"It's not her fault. She was born that way," said Whelihan, who was not involved with the research but reviewed the findings.
The researchers said they have figured out the distance between a woman's clitoris and her urinary opening that can predict whether she will be able to orgasm during sex, without any additional stimulation.
The "magic number" is 2.5 centimeters—slightly less than 1 inch, said Elisabeth Lloyd, who was not involved with the new study. Lloyd is an affiliated faculty scholar with the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University-Bloomington.
"It's so strong a correlation that if you give us a woman who has a distance of 3 centimeters, we can very reliably predict she won't have orgasm with intercourse," Lloyd said. "Women can do this measurement themselves or with their partner, to help explain their own sexual experience."
Other factors, such as penis size, the skill of the sexual partner or the intensity of desire "might have some effect, but it really is the anatomical distance that seems to be predictive," Lloyd said.
Exposure to male hormones in the womb increases the amount of drift, Lloyd said. "If she's exposed to a lot of androgen, the clitoral bud migrates far away," she said.
Between 70 percent to 90 percent of women are unable to achieve orgasm with penetration alone, Whelihan said.

"Of those that claim they can have purely vaginal orgasms, 90 percent of them say they have to be on top," she added. "Guess what? When you're on top, sitting on the partner's erection and grinding on his abdomen, it's really not just a vaginal orgasm. You're rubbing your clitoris on his abdomen or pelvis."
Nine out of 10 women in her practice have had an orgasm during their life, Whelihan said, but nearly all needed direct clitoral stimulation to achieve it.
What about the G-spot, the erogenous area purported to exist inside the vagina? Autopsies haven't consistently supported the existence of the G-spot, the evidence review said.
A majority of sex experts don't believe there is such a thing, Whelihan said. "According to most of the experts, we believe if the G-spot exists then it only exists in a few women," she said.
Couples determined to achieve female orgasm during intercourse should start paying more attention to the clitoris, Lloyd and Whelihan said.
Couples can use positions where the female is on top, which allows the woman to get more friction against her clitoris. Or they can use a sexual position that allows either the man or the woman to rub the clitoris during sex, either with fingers or a sex toy, Whelihan said.
"There are many ways to have an orgasm where she's having hers while he's having his," she said. "Couples should not focus on something that will never change anatomically, and instead find ways to allow for some type of clitoral stimulation during penetration."
However, couples also should remember that orgasm with intercourse is not necessary for a woman to have a healthy or enjoyable sex life, Lloyd added.
"I think this approach is traditional, and it's very common, but it's problematic. We've learned in our research there are so many women who do not have orgasm with intercourse on a regular basis," Lloyd said. "To put this banner of healthiness as having orgasm with intercourse kind of stacks the deck against these women who, because of their anatomy, cannot have orgasm with intercourse."
The evidence review was conducted by Leslie Hoffman of the department of anatomy at Indiana University School of Medicine, and colleagues. The report was published online April 4 in the journal Clinical Anatomy.
SOURCES: Elisabeth Lloyd, Ph.D., affiliated faculty scholar, Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, Indiana University-Bloomington; Maureen Whelihan, M.D., obstetrician/gynecologist, West Palm Beach, Fla, and an expert for the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists; April 4, 2016, Clinical Anatomy, online

My girlfriend doesn't want me to wear a condom... but I do

Alice,
I am a guy, and well, me and my girlfriend want sex, but she says she wants me to not use a condom so I can get the real feeling. But, I don't want a child at my age and at this point. How can I tell her that I want to use condoms?

Dear Reader,
It sounds as though you and your girlfriend each have thoughtful concerns about your use of condoms. It's nice that she wants to consider your pleasure in the experience, but also equally valid that you're not interested in becoming a father at this time. It's also worth mentioning that pleasure doesn't have to come at the expense of not using a condom. It's not clear how much you both have talked about this, but it may be a good opportunity to continue the conversation. Practicing safer sex takes the cooperation of both partners for it to be successful, so being on the same page about how each partner will contribute and what each of your concerns are is key. By being open and honest about your feelings in a non-judgmental setting, you may find that you’re able to open the lines of communication to much more in your relationship!

While many people who use condoms have healthy sexual relationships, those assigned male at birth sometimes report that wearing a condom during sex diminishes sensation. However, using a dab of lube inside and outside of the condom can help. While some report that using a condom slows down their urge to orgasm, it might make sex last longer, which can be fun for you and your girlfriend!
When it comes to pregnancy prevention and sexually transmitted infection (STI) protection, condoms are a great option. To make them more appealing, you could try different sizes, shapes, textures, thicknesses, and colors to find the kind that suits you both. You could also try shopping for them together to see if there are condoms that you both like. There’s also the option of using an internal condom. Are you and your girlfriend monogamous? Have you tested negative for STIs since getting together? If you have and both feel comfortable with the idea, then you may consider other birth control methods. You and your girlfriend can research the advantages and disadvantages of different methods to determine which one best meets your needs. The Go Ask Alice! Sexual Health & Reproductive Health archives has a lot of great information about safer sex and contraception.
If after considering these alternate options you still would feel more comfortable using condoms, it’s probably a good idea to talk with your girlfriend. You can start by telling her how much you care about and value your relationship. Then you can explain your concerns about preventing an unwanted pregnancy and ask if that's a concern for her as well. Based on her response, you can talk about ways you can enjoy being intimate with each other while also practicing safer sex. It might also be helpful to reinforce that you would still enjoy having sex with her, even with a condom. This conversation can play out in many ways, so it's impossible to script the entire conversation, but in any case it’s probably best to talk with her when you both are able to sit down in a private space while not in the heat of the moment and where you won’t be distracted or interrupted.
The point of all this is to open up options for both of you, not just when it comes to being intimate, but also for other steps you take in your relationship moving forward.
Alice!

Diaphragm discomfort

Dear Alice,
I have recently married and started using a diaphragm. I practiced a few times inserting it in the Dr.'s office and before using it "for real," but I am never quite sure I'm doing it right (we've been using it about a week). I follow the instructions and it is definitely lying flat over my cervix and behind the pubic bone, but it seems to wrinkle and slide around. It also makes me feel like I need to urinate all the time. In addition, it unrolls before I get it all the way in, and I wind up COVERED in spermicide (it's also a very weird feeling). I'm worried that it won't be effective. Should I be re-fitted? I have read that starting sexual activity can change the cervix (I was celibate about 7 years before marrying). Sometimes, we just give up and use a condom instead, but I don't like that. Any help?
Signed,
 Newlywed

Dear Newlywed,
Since you're a new diaphragm user, the difficulties and discomfort you've experienced so far may be related to your inexperience with this contraceptive option. Despite the fact that you’ve already had some practice at your health care provider's office, the real-world insertion in the moment may feel different. Good news though, insertion gets easier with more practice! Diaphragms come in an array of shapes (coil, flat, arc-like) and sizes, ranging from 50 to 105 millimeters (about two to four inches) in diameter. Some folks find that using the kind of diaphragm that has two hinges and bending it into the shape of an arc is easier to place into the vagina. This prevents it from springing open before it's firmly in place then popped open again, covering the cervix completely. A properly placed diaphragm typically won't be felt once it's been placed inside of a person's vagina. If you’re still not satisfied after double-checking the fit, style, and placement of the device, you might consider an alternative method of birth control.
To help, Planned Parenthood details the steps for proper diaphragm insertion:
1.Wash hands with soap and water.
2.Put a tablespoon of spermicide in the diaphragm.
3.Get into a comfortable position, like when putting in a tampon.
4.Separate lips of the vulva with one hand and use the other to pinch the rim of the diaphragm together to fold it in half.

5.Push the diaphragm as far up and back into the vagina as it'll go, dome pointing down. Tuck the edge of the diaphragm behind the pubic bone. Make sure the cervix is covered.
If you continue to sense the diaphragm shifting around or placing pressure on your bladder (causing the need to pee), then you might consider a refitting. You may remember when you were first sized for a diaphragm, your health care provider likely inserted a variety of fitting rings into your vagina. During this fitting, you and your provider will be able to determine which of the rings is the largest one that will fit comfortably inside of you. Practicing inserting and using this ring at your provider's office until you get the hang of it may help to make a difference. However, keep in mind that diaphragms do move a bit inside of a vagina as the body goes through changes (such as lubrication) during arousal.
It's also common for diaphragms to seem less comfy, even after years of tried and true use. Instances when you may strongly consider going in for a refitting include:
•Weight change of more than ten pounds
•Pregnancy
•Miscarriage or pregnancy termination
•Having had vaginal or pelvic surgery
•Any pain or discomfort, either on insertion or during use
Another common cause of discomfort is a change in the shape of a person's cervix. Having sex, whether for the first time or after a long abstinence, is one of the most common reasons for this change, though hormonal modifications may also trigger some cervical shape shifting.
Whatever the reason for your discomfort, the diaphragm's intent was never to force its users to resort to yoga-like dexterity. A trip to your health care provider will, at the very least, provide a second training session on insertion and might lead to a newly-sized and correctly and comfortably fitted diaphragm for you.
Finally, if after refitting and practice you still don't feel secure using a diaphragm, then you may consider switching to another method of birth control. You might want to ask your health care provider to discuss other contraceptive options with you and your partner. For more information about the pill and other forms of contraception, check out the Contraception section of the Go Ask Alice! Sexual and Reproductive Health archives.