No Orgasms For Me: Antidepressants Totally Killed My Libido

It was a sexless 7 years.

I'd been married to my husband, Cody, for about five years when I felt the change. In theory, five years of consistent sex with the same guy should mean you both pretty much know the necessary steps to get each other off.

Five years in, our sex life wasn't the best. We had a toddler and my husband was in law school — and if you've ever been in a relationship with someone in graduate school, you know it's about as sexy as a fat man in jorts on a hot summer day.

One night, in particular, everything was, ahem... going according to plan when I started to feel, well... nothing. I knew at this point I usually felt a lot more than what I was feeling, and yet my orgasm was just out of reach. It was like desperately needing to sneeze but being unable to make it happen. (Sneezes, much like orgasms, can't be forced — but when you need one, you just need one.)

Frustrated, I looked at Cody and said, "I've got nothing." Suddenly, I realized it was my new medication that was giving me trouble. Simply put: I couldn't finish.

My heavens it was frustrating, like having an itch you can't quite scratch, a tickle in your throat you can't quite cough away or a thirst that can never be quenched. I mean, yes, it's just an orgasm, but if you've had one, then you know it wasn't something I was ready to live life without at 24 years old.

But because my depression was threatening to destroy my marriage, I needed healthy brain chemistry more than I needed the occasional O-face. So I lived with it. I lived with it for 7 years — it, meaning no sexual desire and orgasms that were as rare as unicorns.

The lack of passion for my husband and inability to climax easily had become my reality. Pre-meds, I was young and horny with an insatiable lust for another human body, but post-meds I honestly couldn't tell you what raging hormones even felt like or remember the ecstasy of a good ol' romp in the sack.

I went from being instant ramen to paella in a matter of weeks; no longer could you just add hot water and GO; there was now long and arduous 14-step process in order to consider me properly finished, if you know what I mean.

Cody and I worked through it as best we could, knowing that easy-orgasm sex wasn't something that was just going to happen at any given moment. We tried a few new things: creams that promised pleasant warming sensations, toys that helped speed things along and even a hormone injection that promised a libido boost.

But what helped the most was patience and understanding that we weren't in a Hollywood movie and that "making love" (hate that expression) isn't always as steamy as Noah and Allie make it seem. To this day, movie scenes of couples orgasming in unison is enough to make my eyes roll out of my head.

Now that I've been married for over a decade, birthed two children and rounded the corner into my 30s, perhaps my sexual difficulties have nothing to do with pharmaceuticals. But with a recent switch to a new antidepressant, I've noticed a hopeful change.

While things are still slow going — I'm an oven, not a microwave — when I do climax, my orgasms are far more intense and toe-curling. Perhaps it's the switch in medication, perhaps it's my age, perhaps it’s the fact that after 13 years, sex is the hottest it has ever been in our marriage because after all this hard work we finally figured out how to talk about the things we want sexually in a way that isn't awkward and leaves us both satisfied.

Whatever the reason, I wish I could go back to that sexually frustrated 24-year-old and say, "This too shall pass."

But even if I could have seen into the future at that age to know that sex would get so much better, nothing would have quelled the overwhelming feeling of disappointment I felt at the time. Being tangled up in the sheets with my husband was (and still is) the very best way to feel connected to him. I can do just about anything else in this world with someone else, but an orgasm is something I share with only him.

To have those sacred physicalities taken away for a time was painful, but working in unison to keep things happy and humming in the bedroom has taught me I married a good man with the patience and determination of an orgasm-bearing saint. And for that, I am thankful.

7 Amazing Sex Positions That Will Stimulate Your Breasts Like CRAAZY

Give the girls some well-deserved love.

Is he a breast man? Lots of men are, and that's great. But are you a breast girl? In the sense that you really like having your breasts stimulated? If you are and he is, you're in luck.

First, you both appreciate your breasts (which is always a good thing), but you will both probably appreciate the same fun in the bedroom. Which, of course, is always ideal.

There are a few sex positions to try that are particularly great if you're looking to stimulate your breasts.

"I've found that the best sex positions for playing with her breasts are: Missionary, Cowgirl, and Spoon. All of these sex positions have her comfortably within arms reach, and are actually perfect for holding onto while thrusting in to her. Either you're able to reach down and help pull her onto you in Missionary, reach up and play with her nipples, or grab on while she's grinding on you in Cowgirl. Or you're able to play and grope her while pulling her back onto you as you fully fill her in Spoon," says adult performer Ryan Driller.

Many positions can be adapted to focus on your nipples, including some that are probably part of your usual repertoire. Give them a try or add a few modifications with this selection of fun breast-stimulating positions.

1. Cowgirl

The cowgirl position is perfect for freeing up his hands to stimulate your breasts and nipples. "You can also lean into him so he can give you some licks and nibbles!" says Coleen Singer from Sssh.com.

2. Chair Dance

With him sitting on a chair, climb aboard so your breasts are at mouth level. "Sitting on top of him while he penetrates you gives him perfect tongue access to your nipples and breasts," says Singer.

3. The Embrace

In this position, you sit on top facing him, with your legs wrapped around him. With him sitting upright, he'll have perfect access to stimulate your breasts manually or orally, says Tristan Weedmark of We-Vibe.

4. Missionary

Missionary position is the absolute best position to stimulate a woman's breasts.

"They look their fullest when a woman is lying on her back and they are easily accessible. The best part about missionary position is being able to lock eyes with your lover while the breast stimulation is happening. The faces a woman makes when her nipples are licked could be a real turn on," says sex expert Tyomi Morgan.

5. Spoon

With both of you laying on your sides, this position is perfect for him to reach around, giving him optimal breast stimulation.

6. Standing

With both of you standing and him entering you from behind, he'll be totally free to stimulate your breasts manually.

7. Boob f*cking

All photos: weheartit

Some guys are SO into your boobs they will want to have sex with them. This is pretty self-explanatory: Lube up, push those boobs together, and let him thrust away. If you're really into it, you can even let him finish that way.

5 Tips That Make Men 1,000x Better In Bed

What better source than another woman?

Listen up guys: most lesbians love men. Sure, we might not fall in love with men, but we tend to love guys as friends and peers.

Some of us gay gals love playing sports with guys. Some queer women love geeking out on video games and technology with our nerdy brothers. Just like the affinity between straight women and gay men, there can be a lot of camaraderie between lesbians and straight men. We have so much in common, after all, including a passionate love for women and the desire to sexually satisfy our female lovers.

That makes us the perfect people to offer up some lesbian sex tips for guys. Here are five everyone should know:

1. Seduce her entire body.

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Let’s face it: women need lots of warming up to get in the mood for sex. Slow way down as you initiate intimacy and you’ll be able to build a much stronger erotic charge. Give her a full body massage to seduce her entire body into a more relaxed, open and sensuous state. Then focus on butt massage to begin amping up the pleasure and building anticipation for more arousal.

Think of it like bringing a big pot of water to a boil with slow steady heat. It will take some time but once you bring her to a boil she’ll stay hot for quite awhile. Remember: pay attention to every inch of her skin!

2. Treat her breasts to skillful touch.

While you are lavishing her whole body with pleasure, don’t forget the breasts. The female breasts are profoundly sensual and erotic, but often don’t get touched with much care. Learn how to touch her breasts with a range of massage inspired techniques so you can include more breast touch in every stage of lovemaking. 

3. Master the use of your hands.

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Most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. We need clitoral stimulation to build arousal toward orgasm. Remember, the clitoris is the anatomical match to the penis. So imagine having an orgasm without touching your penis and you can understand the importance of clitoral stimulation.

Once you master touching her with your hands, you’ll be able to bring her to orgasm every time. Give her orgasms with your hands first, and only then move on to intercourse. She’ll enjoy the penetration way more once she is warmed up from your expert touch!

4. Help her learn to love oral sex.

What’s better than the expert use of your hands? Adding in your mouth! A lot of guys love going down on women and would do it more often if their women let them. When it comes to oral sex, her comfort and ability to receive is just as essential as your willingness to give her oral stimulation. But many women have a lot of trouble relaxing into the pleasures of cunnilingus, so work with her to build her comfort so you can both enjoy more oral pleasure. 

Many women think they are deformed down there, and hold back out of fear of being abnormal or undesirable. Before she can fully enjoy oral sex, she needs to believe you are happy between her thighs. The first step? Convince her that you love how her genitals look, smell and taste. Praise her most intimate parts until she believes you. 

5. Get comfortable with her erotic emotions.

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Has your woman ever cried after an orgasm? Has she ever started laughing uncontrollably? If so, you are not alone. Many women experience intense waves of emotion after orgasm. These emotions are sometimes expressed with tears, laughter or shaking.

Learn to stay present with her full emotional expression and you’ll develop a ton of trust between you. Most of the time, it isn’t about you. So don’t get defensive or ask her to explain herself.

Just hold her tight, lie with her quietly (or give her space if she says she needs to be alone) and let her know that you adore her no matter what. Allow all of her emotions a place in your bedroom so she doesn’t feel embarrassed feeling her full range of feelings. This will allow her to let go and unleash more of her erotic creature, bringing more passion to your lovemaking and relationship.