1989: When East Germans unearthed western sex

"Sex at last" or "Pleasure without borders," claimed West German headlines aimed at East Germans who thronged to Western sex shops after the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago this November.

"It was curiosity born of great innocence," recalled Kurt Starke, 70, a sociologist and sex expert in Leipzig, eastern Germany.

"Couples went to sex shops, sometimes with grandmothers holding a child by the hand. We wanted to discover everything the West had to offer."

Under the totalitarian state in the German Democratic Republic (GDR), as communist East Germany was known, pornography and prostitution were serious taboos.

"The sex trade in West Germany was considered by the regime as bourgeois decadence," Starke remembers.

But "people were drawn by pornography, we could have sold it non-stop," said Wolfgang Foerster, 55, who sold X-rated videos under the counter and then started one of the first striptease clubs in Dresden, eastern Germany.

Seeing a gap in the market, Western entrepreneurs jumped in as early as 1990 when the country unified.

Caravans of prostitutes parked outside dilapidated eastern cities and downmarket sex shops opened their doors, although their legal status was still uncertain.

"The girls liked East German guys because they were gentle and timid, but complained about Westerners who thought their money could buy anything," said Foerster, whose club was located near one of the mobile brothels.

'They just let themselves go'

"When regulations were established, many of the operations shut down and the pioneers disappeared. Many were amateurs who had not managed to make it in the West," he said.

Sex businesses took over, the West German giant Beate Uhse in the lead. But once the curiosity for vibrators, dildos and other sex toys waned, eastern demand dropped off.

The lack of money had something to do with it. Reunification was harder than many expected and unemployment in eastern German states is still much higher than in the west.

Beate Uhse still makes most of its money in more prosperous western German states.

But in the intervening years, a nostalgia for "love as it was before" has risen in the east.

Back then, "men and women depended on their own imagination. That made sex less stressful," said Berlin writer Jutta Resch-Treuwerth, 67, who wrote for a lonely-hearts column for young Easterners for some 20 years.

"In a rigid state that wanted to control everything, citizens were more emancipated with respect to their sex life, women in particular," Professor Starke added.

Better access to higher education and jobs along with free abortion and contraception and generous family policies favoured a less traditional role for women in the East than in the West at the time.

And in bed, women took the initiative more often and reached orgasm more often than their Western counterparts, at least according to polls taken then.

"Eastern women did not talk about their orgasm for hours, they just let themselves go," Starke said. - Sapa-AFP

Trying for a girl? Eat more cheese

There can be little doubt that pregnant Victoria Beckham, mother of three boys, wants a girl. But is it ever possible to influence the sex of a child? We investigate the methods that can, supposedly, help you do so.

EAT MORE CHEESE

Sperm can be influenced by the environment in the uterus. Those carrying the Y chromosome - which produces boys - prefer an alkaline environment, while those carrying the X chromosome - which results in a girl - do better in an acidic one. So the woman should eat more dairy products and veg, and avoid alkaline foods such as such as bananas and salted meats like bacon and ham. Statistics show vegetarians produce more girls.

DELAY MOTHERHOOD

Dr Valerie Grant, a reproductive scientist at the University of Auckland, believes that women with high levels of testosterone are much more likely to have boys. However, as she explains: “Testosterone dips with age. You could have six boys in a row then produce a girl in your 40s.”

GET STRESSED AT WORK

Men in high-stress jobs have reduced levels of testosterone and an increased chance of fathering girls, according to researchers at Ninewells Hospital in Dundee. Studies show the normal ratio of 100 girls born to every 105 boys changed to 135-100 for fathers in high-stress jobs.

TIME THE CONCEPTION

In the 1970s, a US doctor, Landrum Shettles, controversially suggested that boys are conceived very close to ovulation because the naturally faster but shorter-lived Y sperm get to the egg first. To conceive a girl, wait three or more days after ovulation: this gives the longer-lasting X sperm a better chance of reaching the egg. Dr Shettles claims a 75 percent success rate by this method.

WEAR TIGHT CLOTHES

Dr Shettles also claims that men who wear tight underpants and have hot baths can damage their delicate Y chromosome sperm, increasing the chance of the X sperm fertilising an egg and conceiving a girl. This is unproven, but tight pants are known to impair sperm health.

SKIP BREAKFAST

Scientists at the University of Exeter found that women who ate fewer calories around the time of conception (1,750 compared to 2,250 per day) were more likely to conceive a girl.

SEXUAL POSITION

Because Y sperm are faster swimmers than X sperm, couples hoping for a girl are encouraged to avoid positions such as standing up as this gets the sperm very close to the egg, meaning the Y sperm is likely to get there first. And the women should avoid having an orgasm. The female orgasm is thought to increase alkaline secretions, so reducing the chances of conceiving a girl. - Daily Mail

This is how men really feel after sex

About 41 percent of men had experienced PCD in their lifetime. Picture: Flickr.com

Some call it it the post-coital glow. Others just turn around and fall asleep.

But now a study has been done on the afterglow of sex - and there is a bad side to it. A feeling of sadness can immediately follow an orgasm, and experts even have a phrase for it - post-coital dysphoria (PCD).

In previous studies, scientists only studied the condition in women, but experts behind a recent Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy paper have taken to concentrating on men.

PCD is defined as a type of “dysphoria” because the negative feelings are incompatible with the “positive emotional experience” usually associated with consensual sex.

Study authors, led by psychology professor Robert D. Schweitzer, Ph.D. of Queensland University of Technology in Brisbane, studied data on the sex lives of 1 208 men and found that they experience PCD as well.

This is what their research found: 41 percent had experienced PCD in their lifetime, 20 percent had done so in the past four weeks, and three to four percent experienced it regularly. 

Women find sex more pleasurable when high - study

A study published in the peer-reviewed medical journal The Journal of Sexual Medicine has found that women find sex more pleasurable when high on marijuana.

The objective of the study was to determine if marijuana use before sex affected sexual intercourse; by how much, and which domains of sexual function it affected.

The researchers found that 68 percent of women who used dagga before having sex reported finding the experience more enjoyable.

In another study published in the same journal, Stanford University experts found a direct link between dagga consumption and greater sexual frequency.

Researchers surveyed 28 176 women and 22 943 men (average age 29) and found users of the "herb" have 20 percent more sex than non-users.

Weed is also said to help women who have trouble achieving orgasm.

The CB1 is the brain’s receptor that is affected when smoking dagga. Dr. Mitch Earleywine, professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany told NY Mag: “That CB1 receptor seems to be involved in improved tactile sensations and general euphoria.”

Do men have a G-spot?

So it is that the prostate gland (aka his P-spot), a highly sensitive organ akin to the woman's G-spot, is reached through the anus.

You have to laugh at life. Or evolution. Or whatever. Because for both men and women, the sources of a deeper, whole-body orgasm are not where you'd think they should be.

In the case of women, the spot that's considered the font of the female orgasm, the clitoris, is completely mislocated. Most women probably lament at least twice a week that the clitoris is not placed just inside the vagina. The same goes for the G-spot (or urethral sponge), 

which is in a tricky spot inside the vagina just beyond the curve of the pubic bone - and the penis typically misses it altogether.

So it is that the prostate gland (aka his P-spot), a highly sensitive organ akin to the woman's G-spot, is reached through the anus. While the function of the prostate gland is to produce ejaculatory fluid, it is also a source of sexual pleasure for many guys because it is located on the nerve pathways between the brain and penis. Like the G-spot, it is linked to the pelvic nerve (the clitoris is linked to the pudendal nerve), which is why the orgasm feels deeper than the usual penile orgasm.

Why stimulate the prostate?

Many men can orgasm solely from massaging their P-spot. And when the prostate is stimulated at the same time as the penis, the sensation is doubly pleasurable because the prostate nestles at the base of the penis. Playing with both sites means that the two ends of the penis are receiving stimulation, which is more intense. What's more, the anus itself is an erogenous zone because the anal cavity is rich in sensitive nerve endings, so stimulating the cavity can be exquisitely pleasurable.

Yet, just as some women aren't moved if their G-spot is massaged or find the sensation positively irritating, not all men enjoy having their prostate stimulated. We are all unique. However, what many couples discover after years of the same bedroom routine is that playing with a wider range of stimuli can broaden the sexual experience. People who are willing to be adventurous and experiment are often surprised at how enjoyable anal play can be - for both partners.

Isn't the rectum 'dirty'?

Faeces passes through the rectum but isn't stored there, and the cavity self-cleans. Unless he's had a recent bowel movement, it's likely that only traces of faeces may be encountered. If he washes beforehand and inserts a soapy finger (preferably using a soap-free cleanser) to clean gently inside, most traces will be removed. With anal play, it's always handy to keep some unscented wet wipes or baby wipes handy nearby.

The person doing the stimulating should use a barrier, such as a surgical glove, finger cot (used to clean babies' teeth) or a condom. Pop one on the finger or prostate vibrator and use lots of lubricant (preferably a thicker anal lube) as unlike the vagina, the rectum does not produce any natural lubricant to reduce tearing or 'burn' from friction. Because sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/Aids and other infections such as Hepatitis B can be transmitted in unprotected anal sex, it is advisable always to use a latex barrier in anal play.

How to stimulate the prostate

The first approach needs to be slow and gentle, using plenty of water-based lubrication. The more aroused a person is the more pleasurable it will feel, so foreplay is essential. Or the P-spot can be stimulated during oral or manual sex to double his pleasure. Start out with a small object like a pinky finger, narrow vibrator or string of anal beads. (Note that the rectum curves forward for the first four or so inches and then curves towards the back, so only flexible objects that can follow the curve should be inserted beyond four inches.)

The prostate is stimulated through the front wall of the rectum (the belly button side). The spot is located about three inches in and it typically feels like a firm bulge about the size of a walnut. It usually responds to firm side-to-side stroking or a circular massage, while men often find vibration from a curved sex toy highly pleasurable. Moving the finger in and out can also be enjoyable.

As with any sexual activity, the pleasure is intensified if more than one area of the body is stimulated simultaneously. Playful experimenting while requesting feedback usually yields great rewards. And if his P-spot is correctly stimulated, he stands to experience an orgasm that is divinely earth-shattering.

[Sources: 302 Advanced techniques for driving a man wild in bed, Superhotsex, The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex and “The last lovemaking taboo lifted?” (MSNBC)]

Ditch the perfect sex fantasies

In the film When Harry Met Sally, Meg Ryan famously showed how easy it is for a woman to fake an orgasm.

Question: I have been with my partner for three years and we have, in my view, a very good and active sex life. However, he’s become obsessed with the idea with we should have simultaneous orgasms. Now I feel that every time we’re in bed, he’s trying to get us synchronised - and the more I feel under pressure to time my orgasm to his, the harder I find it to take pleasure in what we’re doing. I’ve even faked an orgasm once to try to keep him happy. How on earth can I get him to relax?

Answer: Hollywood has a lot to answer for, doesn’t it? All too often in films you see two people panting away to some tightly choreographed peak of ecstasy, as if this were the normal state of things.

You never see any blockbuster heroine say to her beloved: “Hang on a minute, you may have popped your cork, but I haven’t - don’t you dare roll over and go to sleep!”

It’s no wonder that back here in the real world, many people feel insecure if they don’t experience co-ordinated climaxes.

A straw poll of 12 women I know suggests that simultaneous orgasms - while not quite as rare as unicorns - aren’t all that common (and often get less frequent with age).

Only two of my respondents said they experienced the phenomenon with any frequency.

Another said she had found it quite easy to time her orgasm to her partner’s in her early 30s, when she says she felt “at my sexual peak”, but almost impossible since having children. A couple of the women said they had found it easier to co-ordinate peaks with particular partners and not with others, but it didn’t always mean the sex was better.

One friend had found herself in a similar situation to yours. She said one man she dated in her 20s viewed sex as a failure if they didn’t reach orgasm at the same time.

The problem was that they had experienced simultaneous climaxes in the early weeks of dating and, when the pattern didn’t continue, he thought something was wrong.

Their time together was dogged by his quest for movie-perfect sex.

She says: “We would be making love and he’d keep staring at me and asking me how close I was to coming. It made me really tense - I felt like a failure for not meeting his expectations.

“Eventually, I started faking my orgasms. He was happier and I felt miserable.”

She says her romantic confidence was dented until she met her husband, who had “no hang-ups whatsoever about that sort of thing”. Interestingly, once there was no pressure about timing she did sometimes experience the elusive twinned sexual peak.

It’s clear you need to talk to your partner outside the bedroom, when emotions aren’t running so high. The question here is what has made him feel that synchronised climaxes are so vital? Perhaps they were a feature of a previous relationship and he’s come to believe that they’re vital for good sex?

No two women peak in the same way (some don’t have orgasms at all, so much as a pleasurable plateau of sensation) and he needs to understand that.

It’s also quite possible he has been influenced by pornography. Rare is the man who has never seen a blue movie, and some develop unrealistic expectations from scenes where trigger-happy porn stars climax on cue. Why? Because they’re faking it and the whole thing’s a fraud.

You need to explain gently to your partner that you feel you’re being held up to some golden standard that doesn’t exist.

He needs to understand his expectations are making you tense and unhappy in bed. You would be wise to confess to having faked an orgasm, even if the knowledge hurts him in the short term. He needs to know you truly are under duress, and it will be salutary for him to consider that previous girlfriends might have faked climaxes, too.

The biggest downside of faking orgasms is that men think they have pushed some kind of magic button when they haven’t. They then become perplexed when they try to repeat the process to no effect.

If any of what you say makes your partner cross, point out the only problem here is that you are both striving far too hard to make each other happy.

Give him credit for being an old-fashioned romantic, who passionately wants you to find twinned rapture.

There are plenty of people in this world who selfishly take their own pleasure in bed and don’t give a fig about their lover’s satisfaction.

Thank heavens he isn’t one of them. He just needs to relinquish his goals and relax; then he’ll recognise that’s the only way of stumbling into sexual serendipity. Erotic love can’t work to a plan.

Remind him that the great virtue of the “your turn, my turn” model of sex is that one lover can give their entire concentration to the other’s climax. Nor should partners worry if just one lover (or neither) has an orgasm.

There are no rules when it comes to sex - we just need to unshackle ourselves from a couple of myths

Sorry, boys, size does matter

FILE PHOTO

London - If you are a man who has been cursed with a less-than-generous handout in the pants department, you may want to look away now.

New research by the Journal of Sexual Medicine has shown that contrary to popular (wishful?) thinking, penis size does matter when it comes to pleasing a woman in bed.

The good news is that it only matters for some women and some types of orgasms.

The research, published online in September, has found that women who have frequent vaginal orgasms are more likely than other women to say they climax more easily with men with larger penises.

Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of the West of Scotland who conducted the research, asked a sample of 323 women about previous sexual encounters.

They were asked about their recent sexual behaviours as well as how important penile-vaginal intercourse and other sex acts were to them.

They were also asked whether penis length influenced their ability to orgasm with vaginal stimulation.

Defining “average” as 14.9cm, the researchers asked women if they were more likely to orgasm vaginally with a longer-than-average or shorter-than-average penis.

Brody and his colleagues found the women who reported the highest number of vaginal orgasms in the past month were most likely to say that longer was better.

Brody told Live Science: “This might be due at least in part to greater ability of a longer penis to stimulate the entire length of the vagina, and the cervix.

“Male anxiety about penis size may not reflect internalised, culturally arbitrary masculine stereotypes but an accurate appreciation that size matters to many women – just as men feel legitimate anxiety when they enter the mating market about their intelligence, 

personality traits, sense of humour, social status, height, wealth, and other traits known to be favoured by women across cultures.”

These findings come eight months after the same journal reported sensational new evidence that vaginal and clitoral orgasms are, in fact, completely separate phenomena and activate different areas of the brain.

A series of essays published in April said that contrary to popular belief – and many previous scientific findings – there was more than one way to satisfy a woman in bed and that the clitoris was not the only key to a woman’s sexual satisfaction.

The research showed that not only could women climax through sexual intercourse alone, but the resultant orgasm was wildly different from those reached by clitoral stimulation.

Other startling findings cited by the essays in the series include:

* Women are not only able to orgasm from vaginal and clitoral stimulation, but from stimulation at a range of erogenous zones, with some able to even “think” themselves to a peak.

* The sensitive G-spot – once thought of as a semi-mythical orgasm hot spot – could have a role in pain relief during labour by more than doubling a woman’s pain threshold.

* The ability to reach climax through vaginal stimulation could be linked to physical and mental health, with healthy women more likely to orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

In her essay, French gynaecologist Odile Buisson argued the case for the classic understanding of the female orgasm as dependent on clitoral stimulation.

According to this view, the front wall of the vagina is closely linked with the internal parts of the clitoris, meaning that stimulating the vagina without activating the clitoris ought to be impossible.

So, Buisson concludes, so-called “vaginal” orgasms could in reality be clitoral orgasms by another name.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine essays also included a provocative claim that that vaginal-only orgasms are less likely in women with poor physical and mental health.

One study found that women who had vaginal orgasms had a lower resting heart rate than others who did not experience them.

Other research has found that women who can reach a sexual peak without clitoral stimulation are less likely to use specific maladaptive psychological coping mechanisms.

Given the psychological link between different kinds of orgasms, Brody slammed as “malpractice” the common advice to women that orgasms originate only with the clitoris.

Emmanuele Jannini, a professor of endocrinology at the University of Aquila in Italy, called on women to take heed of the findings, but warned against fetishising them.

She said: “A woman should have an understanding – who is she, how is her body composed, what is the possibility of her body – but she should not be looking for something like a race, like a game, like a duty.

“Looking for the G-spot orgasm or the vaginal orgasm as a need, as a duty, is the best way to lose the happiness of sex.” – Daily Mail